Modern Iliad

We're wrapping up 2014 with a modern adaptation of the Iliad!  This was written as an assignment for a Western Humanities class.  The instructor's example of a modern take on the Iliad was a bunch of kindergarteners fighting over a teddy bear...which is accurate.  Please note that the "links" at the bottom do not actually exist, but I wanted to make it seem like H (Homer) was a blogger like myself.

I hope you guys enjoy this interpretation, and I'll be back on Friday with an introduction to Japanese mythology!


Disclaimer: I know nothing about football except what little I have gleaned from watching the Superbowl for its commercials and from Wikipedia. I know even less about cheerleading. I apologize in advance.

October 7th, 2014

I’m just gonna go ahead and dedicate this to my darling, my muse, who inspired me to write this. Without her I would never have put this into words.

This account is all about how pissed off Achilles got. But that’s not how it started. Let me tell you:

It all began when Helen switched schools to be with her new boy-toy. Unfortunately, she didn’t break up with her previous boyfriend before doing this. Menelaus was understandably upset - after all, she was the hottest cheerleader in town. She was kind of a trophy for him to parade around in front of all the other jocks. For her to leave him for the sissy mascot of the Trojan school was a huge insult. Naturally, he took this up with his brother, Agamemnon. After all, if the Achaeans could defeat the Trojans in football, they would shame the school - and its mascot - forever. Menelaus was also hoping that he could show off enough to win Helen back.

The brackets for the season had already been set, and the Achaeans would have to beat a lot of other schools in order to play against the Trojans. The Trojan quarterback, Hector, was an amazing player. His plays had won the Trojans many a game. He was also the brother of Paris, so Agamemnon knew he would play hard to defend his brother’s honor. Luckily for the Achaeans, they had a quarterback who was more than Hector’s match - Achilles. Though Agamemnon was the coach, Achilles was the one who decided the plays and won the game. With his help, Agamemnon was sure he could help win Menelaus’ girlfriend back.

The games were fierce, with both Trojans and Achaeans winning in all of their games. Along the way Achilles fell for a cheerleader named Briseis, who had cheered for a school whose team the Achaeans had defeated. Agamemnon also began a relationship with a cheerleader, this one named Chryseis. When her father found out he was furious, due to the age difference between his daughter and Agamemnon. He threatened to sue Agamemnon and have him banned from coaching if he did not break off the relationship. Seeing no other choice, Agamemnon dumped Chryseis.

Irritated that he had been forced to give up a beautiful woman, Agamemnon sulked whenever he saw Achilles with his new girlfriend. Finally he gathered the team together. Pointing out that he was the one who did all the work, and that without him the team could not play, he demanded that Achilles break off his relationship with Briseis, claiming it distracted him from playing. Achilles refused to do so, but Agamemnon would not relent, and Achilles was eventually forced to give in. Since Briseis was legally an adult, Agamemnon began to try and woo her.

Furious at this turn of events, Achilles sulked. He refused to play in any practices or games, as did his best friend Patroclus. Nothing any of his teammates said could get him off of the bench. This left Ajax as the quarterback, who possessed far less talent than Achilles. The Achaeans’ scores began to suffer, though they still won their games - barely.

Finally the big game arrived. Trojans and Achaeans faced off against each other for first place. Menelaus was essentially useless during the game, as he spent most of the time glowering at Paris, who proudly paraded around in a horse costume. Helen had joined the Trojan cheerleaders and rooted loudly for the team, seemingly oblivious to the longing stares of Menelaus.

With Ajax leading the Achaeans did poorly. Hector led the Trojans through a number of successful plays, scoring several touchdowns. By half-time the Achaeans were in bad shape. Odysseus, who had made the team due to a gift at coming up with plays, despite his geekyness, approached Agamemnon. He urged him to give Achilles back Briseis and bring him back into the game. Agamemnon refused at first but relented when other players agreed with Odysseus. Approaching Achilles, who still sat sulking, he offered him a deal - he would allow him to date Briseis again if Achilles would win the game. Despite the prompting of his teammates, Achilles refused.

Patroclus, however, was moved - not by Agamemnon’s speech, but by the plight of his teammates. He was put back into the game, replacing Ajax as quarterback. During the second half of the game he blocked the plays of the Achaeans and helped even the score, leading his team to a few touchdowns and penalty kicks. With just a few minutes left on the clock he started a new play. It led to a successful touchdown, tying the Trojans and the Achaeans, but during the course of the play Patroclus was tackled by Hector. The injury was ruled accidental by the judges and no penalty was called, but Patroclus was taken to the hospital with a severe concussion.

With the game tied, overtime was called. Enraged by the damage Hector had caused to Patroclus, Achilles agreed to finally enter the game. He made some pretty risky calls on the field, but he was something to watch, let me tell you. You’ve seen Star Wars, right? It was like watching Yoda plow through an army of clones. Nothing could stand in his way.

The Achaeans were ahead on the score as the Trojans made their final play. Hector called it and everyone started running, but Achilles headed straight for him. Thinking he had a shot, Hector threw the football - only to have Achilles jump up and slam it to the ground, landing on Hector. They began to scuffle, oblivious to the whistles of the judges. Their teammates finally managed to pull them apart. With no time left on the clock, the Achaeans were judged the winners.

Hector went to the hospital with a broken nose, but Achilles wasn’t done humiliating him yet. Knowing that Odysseus filmed every game, he asked for the help of his teammates. Before the night was over, a video of Hector’s humiliation at the hands of Achilles had gone viral. Its views increased every day, until Hector’s father came to Achilles and begged him to pull the video down. He appealed to Achilles, asking him what it would be like to have his family and friends see him defeated, to hear everyone laughing at it while their boy was in the hospital. Reminded of his own father, Achilles finally relented and deleted the video.

This isn’t the end of the story, but it tells the point I wanted to make - don’t piss off Achilles. Seriously. He’ll never let it go, but you’ll wish he had.

And with that, I’m signing off. Until next time, peeps!

H out.

Related blog posts you might find interesting:

Odysseus Missing: Took the wrong bus home?

Eris interrupts Beauty Pageant with disastrous results

The Star of Bethlehem

I wanted to do a special post for the holiday season, so this post is a little different from my normal ones. We’re going to be talking about the Star of Bethlehem, and some theories astronomers have on what this star might have been. Whether you believe in the story of the star (as I do) or consider it a myth (as many do), I hope you’ll find this post interesting.

To start with - what is the Star of Bethlehem? It is the star that foretold the birth of Jesus to the magi. The magi - “wise men” - then followed this star to where Jesus lay.

I had never thought very much about what the star might have been, but this past spring I took an astronomy class. The course was fascinating, and I learned quite a bit, but what interested me the most was a short video I saw discussing the Star of Bethlehem. This was particularly intriguing to me because I attend a non-Christian college. It made me curious, and I’ve since done more research on different theories as to what the star might have been.

Some background information on the wise men is helpful to begin with. Many ancient cultures placed high importance upon reading portents within the stars. Because of this, the magi were more than likely astrologers. They would have assigned great meaning to what they saw happening within the sky.

The most basic theory of the Star of Bethlehem is that it was a nova, or a supernova. A nova is when a white dwarf (think of it as the shell of a dead star) lets off an explosion. Anyone who sees the white dwarf will notice that it appears to be visibly brighter for a period of time afterwards. A supernova is when a star lets off an explosion that destroys the star, and is much brighter than a nova.

The problem with both of these theories is that nova and supernova are highly noticeable - and would have been even more so, before light pollution existed. Ancient astrologers/astronomers from around the world kept records of stars that appeared to grow brighter for a time, and no such record exists in the proper time and place for Jesus’ birth.

The theory that many astronomers today like best involves two concepts that I’ll try to explain. The first is called conjunction (anybody else suddenly get School House Rock stuck in their head?). Conjunction is when two or more objects within the sky pass close together. If you’ve seen the Fifth Element, conjunction is that moment when all of the planets appear to line up perfectly. However, in astronomy objects in conjunction do not have to be directly atop one another. They simply have to be close.

The second concept is called apparent retrograde motion, and this one is a little trickier to explain. All stars have orbits (for this post, we’re also going to consider the planets to be stars, since that was how the astrologers likely saw them.). Apparent retrograde motion occurs when Earth’s orbit takes it past another star. Think of a highway. You’re in your car, and you pass the car in the lane next to you. The car you pass appears to be moving backward relative to your car, even though it’s still moving forward. The same thing is true of the stars. When Earth moves ahead of another star, the star appears to move backward in the sky for a period of time.

Now that you know about conjunction and apparent retrograde motion, let’s talk about my favorite theory of the Star of Bethlehem.

A few years before the birth of Jesus, there was a triple conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. This multiple conjunction occurred when Jupiter moved into conjunction with Saturn, then past it. Earth then moved ahead of Jupiter due to our smaller orbit, causing apparent retrograde motion that made Jupiter move back into conjunction with Saturn. Jupiter moved past Saturn in the opposite direction...before the apparent retrograde motion ended and Jupiter again moved into conjunction with Saturn!

Remember how I said the magi were likely astrologers that read signs in the sky? Jupiter is named after the Roman god of the same name - who is king over all the other gods. Saturn is the father of Jupiter in the myths, and was king before Jupiter. I’m no astrologer, just a mythology enthusiast, but even I would probably assume that the triple conjunction had something to do with kings!

A year after the triple conjuncture, there was another astronomical event - in case the first one wasn’t enough to pique the interest of the magi. Once again, there were three conjunctions (these ones between Jupiter and Regulus) followed by a conjunction between Jupiter, Regulus, and Venus. Once again, Jupiter is the king of the Roman pantheon. Venus is considered to be the mother goddess of Rome. The Latin word “Regulus” means “prince” or “little king”.

I’m not sure what theory of the Star of Bethlehem is true (there are several others that involve conjunction, apparent retrograde motion, and the constellations of the zodiac that occurred around the time of Jesus’ birth), but I know that they’re very interesting to research and learn about. I hope you enjoyed reading about some of the more prominent theories!

I’ll be back with our last blog post of the year on Monday - a short modern adaptation of the Iliad. Next Friday we’ll start in on Japanese mythology, which is fascinating! I’ll see you then. Hope you guys all had great holidays!

Fate: You Can't Escape It

I’m getting the feeling that Fate was important to ancient cultures.

We talked about it in our Norse conclusion. We’ve talked about both the Norse and the Greek Fates - three women who personified and ruled over the concept of Fate.

There are references to Fate everywhere you look in Greek mythology. Many Greek heroes are exposed to the elements as children and left to die - but they inevitably survive and go on to fulfill their destiny.

Prophecies in the Greek myths cannot be circumvented - what is foretold must come to pass. There’s a Greek play called Oedipus the King, in which Oedipus receives a prophecy that he will kill his father and sleep with his mother. Oedipus leaves his home to avoid this fate, not realizing that the people who raised him are not his birth parents - who he later unknowingly finds. His life unfolds just as the prophecy said it would, despite his efforts to stop it.

In my post about Zeus I talked a little bit about Danae. Her father, Acrisius, locks Danae up to prevent a prophecy that said her son would kill him. Despite all his precautions, Danae still gets impregnated by Zeus, and her son, Perseus, slays Acrisius.

These are only a few of the examples of Fate in the lives of mortals. However, just as in Norse mythology, Fate is not reserved for only humans. It also affects the gods.

Perhaps the most striking example of this can be found in the Iliad. The Greek pantheon favored heroes on both sides of the Trojan War, and occasionally intervened on their behalf. However, Homer also shows the gods watching a pivotal moment in the war - and doing nothing, despite their desire to act.

This moment is when Hector, champion of Troy, is abou to be slain by Achilles, hero of the Greeks. Zeus, knowing that Hector is fated to die, asks the gods to vote on whether or not they should save him - and is rebuked by Athena. The goddess of wisdom asks if Zeus is really considering saving a man whose Fate was decided long ago. She then says that Zeus could act if he really wants to, but that the other gods will not be a part of it.

Zeus immediately backpedals and says that he wasn’t actually thinking of defying fate...really!

I think what intrigues me the most about this is the fact that Athena stats that Zeus could act - implying that the gods can act against Fate. However, her refusal to be a part of it also seems to indicate that there would be consequences for challenging that which is meant to be.

All of these examples seem to show that the ancient Greeks believed in Fate, and that it played a major role in their lives. But what was that role? Was it a way of comforting them about their station in life? If one was a shepherd, that person was obviously fated to be a shepherd, so it was alright!

Or was it a control mechanism for the authorities? They were fated to rule, and you were fated to be a poor servant, and there was nothing you could do about it.

As with my post about the Norse view of Fate, I have no idea...but I would love to hear your thoughts! Please comment below or email me.

I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas! On Friday I’ll be doing a special post for the holidays. Then, next Monday I’ll be posting a short modern adaptation of the Iliad. That will let us start the New Year with a new mythology - Japanese!

Stay tuned, and I’ll see you guys next post!

Odysseus, Athena, and Penelope: The Clever Trio

In my Intro I talked a little bit about Athena. Athena is the Greek goddess of war, but specifically of intelligent, cunning warfare. She is also the goddess of weaving (which fits with war...somehow?) 

Throughout the Greek myths, Athena is shown to favor and aid heroes who are especially clever.
Nowhere is this more evident than in the books by Homer - a little in the Iliad, but mostly in the Odyssey.

The Odyssey is the tale of a character named Odysseus, and of his journey home after the Trojan War. The war itself lasted for ten years, and Odysseus’ journey home takes another decade - mostly because he accidentally incurred the wrath of Poseidon, the god of the seas. (Not a good thing to do if you’re planning a sea voyage home!)

The Odyssey focuses on Odysseus’ journey home (one could even call it his...odyssey...home!) , but it also tells the story of his son, Telemachus. Telemachus was just a boy when Odysseus left for the war, and has grown into a young man without his father to guide him. The Odyssey also shows the gods watching the hero and his family from their home on Mount Olympus, occasionally helping them (Athena) or hindering Odysseus’ efforts (Poseidon).

However, what makes the Odyssey so interesting to me is the other character that it focuses on. This character is Odysseus’ wife, Penelope. We’ll talk more about her in a minute.

Why does Athena have such an interest in Odysseus and his family? The answer can be found in Homer’s works. Most passages that refer to Odysseus denote him as “clever” or “cunning”. Odysseus is a sneaky warrior. In gamer’s terms, he’s a rogue. He is intelligent and strategic - things that put him under the care of Athena.

However, Odysseus is not alone in his cleverness. His wife Penelope is also quite cunning.

In the Odyssey, Odysseus has been missing for twenty years. Almost everyone assumes that he is dead. Because of this, suitors flock to his home and begin to try and woo Penelope’s hand in marriage - because marrying her would grant them Odysseus’ wealth and power.

Penelope hasn’t given up hope that her husband is alive. To stall the suitors and buy Odysseus time to return to her, Penelope devises a plan. Every day she weaves part of a funeral shroud for her father-in-law. Every night, she pulls out all of her weaving. She keeps this up for years before the suitors catch on.

Penelope is obviously quite a sneaky woman. If that wasn’t enough to make Athena like her, Penelope’s cleverness revolves around weaving - another thing that Athena presides over. Perhaps it is due to this that the goddess aids Odysseus and his family.

In the end, Odysseus returns home. He and his son slaughter the suitors (don’t worry, they totally deserved it), and Penelope is reunited with her husband. Their cleverness (and the help of a certain goddess) has won the day.

I hope you enjoyed this post! Most of the time, Penelope’s intelligence is glossed over in favor of her husband’s, so I felt she deserved a post that discussed how she aided Odysseus. If the post interested you, or if you disagree with anything I’ve said, please email me or comment below. If you have time, I highly recommend reading the Odyssey - it’s a very interesting and entertaining story!

Next post we’ll conclude this set of Greek posts by talking about Fate and the way the ancient Greeks thought of it. I’ll see you guys then!

Achilles: A Third Generation of Skywalker

If you’ve seen the Star Wars trilogies, you know that Luke Skywalker started out pretty whiny. His predecessor, Anakin Skywalker, was even worse. His entire trip to the Dark side was because he’s an emo, self-centered brat.

I’m convinced that Achilles is the ancestor of Anakin.

The demigod Achilles is the main character of the Iliad, a tale about the war of Troy that was written by Homer. The entire book is all about the wrath of Achilles, and the consequences of said wrath.

But why is Achilles wrathful, one might ask?

Well, “wrath” is a bit of a strong word. “Upset”, “sulky”, and “throwing a temper tantrum” could all be used in its stead. The source of this emotion, whatever you want to call it, is as follows:

In the ancient Greek culture, it was a common practice for warriors to take prizes after a successful battle. Women were considered to be prizes. Achilles had taken a lovely girl named Briseis as his prize after a victory in battle.

The leader of the Greek army, Agamemnon, had also taken a woman as a trophy. Unfortunately, this girl’s father was a priest who called down the wrath of Apollo upon the Greek army. Agamemnon returned the girl to her father to stop the god’s wrath, leaving him without a prize.

The ancient Greeks had a concept called “arete”. It’s difficult to translate, but it was basically a sense of how skilled a person was. Your arete was demonstrated by your prowess in battle, which was shown by what trophies you had.

To make up for having lost his trophy - and therefore some of his arete - Agamemnon took Briseis from Achilles. This damaged Achilles’ arete, making him less of a warrior in the eyes of the other Greeks.

Because of this, Achilles goes off to sulk. Then, the great hero of the Greek army quite literally calls upon his mother, Thetis, a minor goddess of the sea. Achilles then begins to whine and complain to her.

(They somehow forgot to put that part in the movie Troy. I wonder why...)

Achilles then asks Thetis to go to Zeus and beg him to let the Trojans win in battle against the Greeks - that way Achilles can swoop in and save the day.

This really irritates me, because Achilles is basically asking the gods to let the men he fights alongside die - all so that he can have more glory later.

Unfortunately for the Greek army, the gods grant his request. As the Greeks begin to lose more and more battles, Agamemnon realizes that they need Achilles. He gives Briseis back to Achilles, but the hero still refuses to return to the battle. It is not until his best friend, Patroclus, is slain that Achilles re-enters the battle, destroying the Trojan hero Hector. Patroclus’ death was a result of Achilles plea to Zeus, but the demigod shows no remorse for his actions.

The Iliad ends with the funeral of Hector, and with Achilles getting his way. It does not contain the subsequent fall of Troy, nor the death of Achilles.

Is anyone else annoyed by this? I mean, come on. Achilles throws a hissy fit and good men die because of it, but they still give him what he wants. The story ends with him happy, victorious, and basking in his glory.

Seriously?! This guy was considered a hero?

I’ll end my rant against Achilles here (I reaaaaally hate the guy). You guys have any thoughts on the Iliad or Achilles? Do you like the demigod? If so, please post below or email me! I’d love to hear your defense of his actions, and see if you can convince me that he’s not actually Darth Achilles.

Next time we’ll be talking about the interesting trio of Athena, Penelope, and Odysseus, and what they all have in common. Good news! Odysseus is a hero of the Trojan War that I actually like!

I’ll see you then!

The Moirai: Spinners of Fate

If you’ve watched Disney’s Hercules, you probably remember the scary old ladies with the scissors and the thread and the doom and the gloom...not that I’m creeped out by them or anything!

Those ladies are Disney’s interpretation of the Moirai.

The Greek word “moira” means portion, and “Moirai” means apportioner. It’s a word not often used in modern times, but it means one who divides or assigns. “Moirai” is also translated to mean Fate, for it is what the Moirai portion out for all living things.

The origins of the Moirai change depending on which myths one reads. Sometimes they are the daughters of Ananke, goddess of inevitability. (If you’ve seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Ananke was personified as Anya, the vengeance demon that Xander dated.) More often, the parents of the Moirai are Zeus and Themis, a Titan who represented divine order and law. Either way, the Moirai are clearly the daughters of beings representing aspects of Fate.

There are three Moirai - Clotho, who spins the thread of life; Lachesis, who measures the thread; and Atropos, who cuts the thread. If you read my Norse post about the Norns, you’ll see that the Moirai are incredibly similar to them - which is fascinating, given how different ancient Norse and Greek cultures were from one another.

The most interesting thing about the Moirai - and their most striking similarity to the Norns - is who they spun their thread for. The answer is everyone. Even the Greek gods were subject to Fate, and were unable to act against it. This is particularly interesting when one considers that the Moirai are daughters of the gods, and thus came into existence after the gods did. Did Fate not exist before they were born? Were the gods not subject to its rule until the Moirai came into being?

We’ll talk a little more about the Moirai when I do my post about Fate and the role it plays in the Greek myths. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts on them! I’m aware of two other mythologies that have three women representing Fate (Roman and Celtic), but I’d love to hear about it if you know of any others! Please post below or email me with comments or questions.

Stay tuned - next post I’ll be talking about Achilles, who is perhaps the best known “hero” of Greek mythology!

Hermes: A Most Charming Thieving Scoundrel

In Greek mythology, Hermes plays the role of the trickster.

Don’t get me wrong - all of the gods can be capricious. They trick mortals all the time (usually into having sex with them). They trick each other (or try to). However, none of the rest of the pantheon comes close to being as mischievous as Hermes - and none of them take the same joy in mischief as he does.

If you read my post about the Norse god Loki, you might be equating Hermes with him. After all, both of them are mischievous trickster gods. However, it is there that their similarities end. Loki is villainous and nefarious, often using his tricks to hurt others. On the other hand is Hermes, who represents the more lighthearted aspect of mischief.

Hermes is one of the twelve major members of the Greek pantheon, and is a son of Zeus. It is fitting that we should talk about Hermes after the post about Hades (I didn’t plan it that way!), because Hermes escorts the souls of the dead to the Underworld.

Hermes is also the messenger of the gods. These two tasks make him the god of travelers and the god of messengers. However, Hermes is also the god of thieves.

(I’ve often wondered - if a thief tries to rob a traveler and a messenger on the road, what happens? Whose side does Hermes take? Would the thief be successful, or would the others prevail?)

But how did Hermes become the god of thieves, one might ask? The answer can be found on the day of his birth.

One of the first things the newborn Hermes did was to steal the cattle of his brother, Apollo. Apollo is another son of Zeus, and is the god of the sun and of prophecy. Apollo was understandably upset at the theft of his property and tracked Hermes back to his hideout. The baby god lay in his cradle and acted innocent, but Apollo was not fooled. He dragged Hermes before their father, Zeus, and demanded that he be punished.

Zeus’ response was to bust out laughing. Can you blame him? The almighty god of the sun had been tricked by a newborn babe! Hermes charmed Zeus with an elegant defense speech, so instead of punishing him, Zeus made Hermes part of the pantheon.

Hermes settled with Apollo out of the court, returning his cattle and giving Apollo a lyre (a musical instrument Hermes had invented...in between being born and stealing the cattle). This made Apollo the god of music. Satisfied, Apollo and Hermes became fast friends.

And all of this on the first day of Hermes’ life! You can imagine how many more adventures this charming scoundrel went on - and he almost always came out on top.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about Hermes - he really does have the most hilarious stories. As always, please email me with questions or comments, or feel free to post them below. Next post we’ll talk about the Moirai. They’re the creepy ladies with the scissors and thread from Disney’s Hercules!

Hades: Duty Amidst Debauchery

The Greek pantheon is almost always depicted in some form of debauchery. This makes sense: Hermes is the god of thieves, Ares the god of bloody combat, Dionysus the god of wine. On the female side is Aphrodite, goddess of sex. It’s to be expected that the pantheon would indulge in these things, given that their members embodied them.

Hades does not participate in the revelries of the other gods.

It always amused me that Disney chose Hades to be the villain of Hercules - I think that’s part of why I never liked the movie. In my opinion, Hades is the best of the gods. He is just, dutiful, and faithful - three things which can rarely be said of the rest of the pantheon.

Hades gets a bad rap for two reasons. First of all, he’s the god of death. This is hardly ever a popular thing to be the god of, despite the fact that everyone will eventually become his subject. However, the Greek afterlife was not a horrible place - at least not for everyone.

To start with, Hades was made ruler of the Underworld by chance. After the Greek pantheon overthrew the Titans, who had ruled before them, the three godly brothers drew lots to determine who would rule where. Zeus drew the sky, Poseidon the ocean, and Hades the Underworld. Instead of complaining, Hades took his lumps and went to rule over the dead, seldom leaving his realm.

The Greek Underworld was divided into three main sections. The dead were presided over by three judges, who ruled on which section of the Underworld the dead would be sent to. Those who had committed truly evil acts were sent to Tartarus, where they would be punished according to the crimes they had committed while alive. Those who had not done evil, but also had not done great good, wandered the Fields of Asphodel for all eternity. These Fields were a place of mundane existence where the dead just sort of wander around. The dead drank from a river that made them forget their past lives before being sent to the Asphodel Fields. The last major place in the Underworld was Elysium, where those who had done heroic acts in life went to party their afterlife away.

So you see that the Underworld Hades ruled was not a terrible place. What you did in life was what you got in death. It was a fair system; the judges gave you what you deserved.

The second reason for people’s dislike of Hades involves his betrothal to Persephone. In most of the more modern depictions of this event, the story is called “The Rape of Persephone.”

Now, of course such a name would lead to negative responses! The word rape carries hugely negative connotations, and rightly so. However, the event with Persephone was misnamed. Let me explain.

In my post about Zeus, I mentioned that he slept with the goddess Demeter. This union produced Persephone. Zeus later promised to give Persephone to Hades as his wife. However, Zeus did not see fit to mention this to either Demeter or Persephone - so the daughter of Zeus was unprepared when Hades came to claim his bride.

One of the most famous pictures of this event - again titled “The Rape of Persephone” - depicts Hades hauling Persephone off in his chariot against her will. Nowadays such a thing seems terrible and wrong. However, this was a common way to take a bride in ancient cultures.

One of the best examples of this is Rome (if you don’t mind my stepping away from Greece for a moment). When Rome was first built, there were very few women in the city. Rome attempted to make marriage arrangements with its neighbors, notably the Sabines. When this failed, Roman men kidnapped the Sabine women and made them their wives. (If you’ve seen Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, this event was the basis of the song “Sobbin’ Women”.) The kidnapping of the Sabine women is called the “Rape of the Sabine Women” - because the Romans used the same word for “rape” as they did for “abduction”. Early translators simply used the wrong form of the word.

I hope you can see that Hades’ abduction of Persephone was not such a terrible thing in olden times. Her father had betrothed her to Hades, and taking a woman back to your home was a common marriage practice, even if it was against her will. Women didn’t have much say in anything back then. The fault in the matter actually lies with Zeus for not having informed Persephone and her mother of her betrothal to Hades.

Once the issues of Persephone’s abduction and being god of the dead have been set aside, Hades doesn’t seem like such a bad guy. He remains faithful to Persephone despite her loathing of him, and makes peace with Demeter for taking her daughter (even though it was Zeus’ fault). He does his job fairly, and is not unkind - even allowing the mortal Orpheus a chance to bring his wife back from the dead. Hades does not get drunk, does not sleep around, and does not participate in wild parties like the rest of the gods do. In short, he’s a decent guy.

Perhaps the reason the Greeks didn’t talk more about Hades was because they thought he was boring compared to the rest of the pantheon!

I hope I’ve given a decent defense of Hades’ character - maybe even made you like him. If you agree, disagree, or want to chime in about anything else, hit me up below or through email!

I’ll see you guys next post - make sure and keep an eye on your valuables as we talk about the god of thieves!