Knowing this, you’re hopefully getting the sense that Zeus is a complete and utter jerk - and I totally agree with that. Sleeping with your wife’s sister is just not something that one should do! (Although technically, Zeus, Hera, and Demeter are all siblings...so yaaaay, incest?) It would be bad enough if Demeter was Zeus’ only conquest, but there are in fact many, many others. Seduction is the game of this god - and his seductions often happen in the most CREEPY ways possible.
(Warning - Looking up pictures of the myths talked about below is not for the faint of heart. Take care, lest you never look at a swan the same way again! No, seriously.)
For some reason, Zeus has the power to shapeshift. This power totally makes sense with his rule over the skies, right? Or, you know, not...Anyway, Zeus often uses his shapeshifting abilities in his efforts to “woo” a lady. Take Leda, for instance. She was a beautiful, married Spartan woman that Zeus desired. In order to get close to her, he disguised himself as a magnificent swan...and then lured her off to have sex.
(The least disturbing picture I could find.)
Some myths say that two of the children borne from this union hatched from an egg.
Then there’s Europa. Zeus was attracted to this lovely woman and devised a plan to make her his own. He turned himself into a beautiful bull and lured her to him. The bull knelt before Europa, and she climbed onto the back of the gentle creature - at which point the disguised god ran across the ocean and took her to a deserted island for Zeus to have his way with her.
As if incest and bestiality weren’t enough - Zeus had to add kidnapping to the list!
But wait, there’s more! Last up for this post is Danae. This maiden had been locked up due to a prophecy saying that her son (not yet conceived) would kill his grandfather. Zeus was so smitten with her that he entered her prison as a shower of gold...and somehow impregnated her.
Creepy, yes? Guess that prison wasn’t built to be god-proof!
Zeus’ dalliances did not just infuriate his wife; they often ended in tragedy for the children of his unions. (Admittedly, that tragedy was sometimes brought about by a vengeful Hera...) There are many examples of this, but lets look at the three we’ve already discussed.
One of the children of Zeus and Leda was Helen. Yes, that Helen. The Helen whose face launched a thousand ships, started a war that lasted for over ten years, and killed an untold number of Greeks and Trojans. Ironically, this was all because Helen, like her divine father, could not stay faithful to her spouse.
Our second example is Europa. Zeus seduced her as a bull - so it’s ironic that the child of this union should be Minos. Minos’ wife slept with a bull (who was not a god) and gave birth to the Minotaur, who Minos trapped inside a huge maze and fed human sacrifices to. This lasted until a hero came and slew the Minotaur.
Danae’s union with Zeus was the only one of the three we’ve talked about that did not end in disastrous consequences. Admittedly, her father was slain by her son, Perseus, but still. Perseus is actually one of the few Greek demigods who gets a happy ending to his story.
Now that we’ve talked about all of this, I have a question for you. What would have happened if Zeus had remained faithful to his wife all along? Would the Trojan War have happened if Helen had never been born? Would the Minotaur have ever come to exist? How many people would have stayed alive...if Zeus had just kept it in his pants?
You’re welcome to post below or email me with any thoughts you have on the matter - I’d love to hear them! Next post we’ll be talking about Hades, brother of Zeus and Lord of the Underworld.
ZEUS is a real man.
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